Lately, I've been swamped at work. To writers like myself, "work" is an acutal job that helps pay the bills. Unfortunately, "work" all too often gets in the way of my true passion, which is of course, sitting on my butt watching TV. OK, ok, "work" gets in the way of my second true passion, sitting on my butt and writing. If only I had several, non-stop hours to devote to writing.
In the writer's perfect world, there would be no day job to go to. The day would start off with the kitchen staff bringing me breakfast in bed; a tray filled with a plate full of hotcakes, egg bake and sausage gravy, and a glass of pineapple juice. After breakfast, I would stroll to the bathroom where the attendant has a warm bath drawn. With a ring of the bell, my robe and slippers would be presented. For the rest of the morning I would retire to my office, a spacious room with a spectacular view of my beach front property. After the maid tidies up my desk and the butler brings in a tray of snacks and drinks, it's time to buckle down. The fantastic sequel to "The Toupe'd Eagle" that was thought up while the masseuse worked out the kinks in my back the evening before, flows onto the computer screen as my fingers sail over the keyboard at an incredible rate. A week later, the first draft is done.
Line one of the red phone on my desk flashes. I pick up the receiver to hear my agent tell me "The Toupe'd Eagle" has been approved for publication. I slip in a joyful "YAHOO!" just before my agent informs me that the publisher wants me to author several other books in the series. I hang up ecstatic about the contract. I waltz over to the wall mirror. "Lucky I don't have a day job," I tell my reflection, which happens to wink back at me. "You have all the time in the world to write, you handsome author, you."
Corny? Yes! But a guy can dream can't he?
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Top 10 Childhood Accomplishments
Top 10 lists are enjoyable to create. They’re also fun to pick apart. Therefore, I have constructed a top 10 list of my biggest childhood accomplishments. Remember “accomplishments” means something entirely different to a seven or eight year old. This list may not look impressive to an adult, but it sure as heck fire will look cool to the grade schooler. So without further delay, here is EJ Sivad’s Top 10 Childhood Accomplishments... minus Casey Kasem.
#10) Woke up at 2:00 in the morning to catch Star Wars on the Movie Channel. We had a small, 20 inch black and white TV in our bedroom. Just about every night SW was on, my twin brother and I would set an alarm so we’d be able to catch the nightly viewing. We got caught once, but when mom came in we pretended we fell asleep with the TV on.
#9) Received a letter and a helmet sticker back from my favorite football team. In third grade I wrote to the Atlanta Falcons. They were my favorite because they wore red jerseys and helmets. I made sure to mention that I thought they had the coolest uniforms. I even included a neato play for them to use as a secret weapon to win their games. Three weeks later, I received a form letter back with a signature at the bottom (no clue who’s it was... I only knew it wasn’t Steve Bartkowski’s, William Andrew's, or Alfred Jenkin’s) a schedule for the upcoming season, four helmet stickers, and a thank you for the play. Of course, they have yet to run that play, but each week I sit in my recliner waiting for that moment when I can pat myself on the back and say, “I came up with that play!”
#8) Won $20.00 playing Bingo at the Springbrook family picnic. Springbrook is a gun club my dad belonged to. The dad’s shot clay pigeons while the mom’s played Bingo. I was on a roll that afternoon, calling out Bingo four times. Who wanted to pick up a rifle when you could rob a bunch of old ladies of their money?
#7) Played a rabbit in the second grade class play “The Forest Friends”. I may not have had any lines, but I sure could hop.
#6) California Angels get within 1 strike of going to the World Series. Though I had nothing to do with this personally, when you’re a 14 year old fan who has been through a few disappointing football and baseball seasons, you can’t help but feel your constant cheering had something to do with your team’s good fortunes. Unfortunately for the ‘86 Angels, good fortune ran out the moment I hollered for my mom to come watch what I thought was the final strike of the American League Championship Series (ALCS). Mom came into the living room and said “Now watch this guy hit a homerun.” Next pitch, Dave Henderson of the Red Sox launched a screamer over the left field wall. The two run blast gave the Red Sox the lead and eventually the ALCS. You can bet I blame mom for that. In fact, I outlawed her from watching the 2002 World Series. Coincidentally, the Angels won that one.
#5) Completed my first story Mile High Hill in 6th grade. It was for a Choose Your Own Adventure contest. Needless to say, I didn’t win...but in 6th grade (and life in general) we’re all winners...right?
#4) Made 10 out of 20 free throws in the 5th grade free throw contest. It was a good enough showing to advance to the quarter finals where I made another 10 out of 20, but failed to move on to the semi-finals. To this day I still stand on the gymnasium free throw line and imagine how it would have been if I made two more shots in the semi’s. At least I know how Richie Cunningham felt when he blew the final free throw for Jefferson High in the state championships. Of course, I tossed my basketball at the hoops like a real man. None of that “granny shot” stuff Richie tried.
#3) Cub scout softball team comes back from 12 runs behind in the final inning to win the game. I had two hits, one run batted in, and two runs scored in that inning alone. Before that inning, our coach said if we came back and won, he’d treat us all to a twist cone. Boy did that ice cream at the DQ taste great that afternoon. And who says bribery doesn’t work?
#2) Sugar Ray Leonard beats Marvin Haggler and I make a small fortune in bets. Everyone, including my 10th grade Art teacher was picking Marvin Haggler to win the big boxing match. But me and my brothers knew better. We bet anybody and everybody that Sugar Ray would win. I could either lose $100 bucks I didn’t have or gain a small fortune and a ton of respect as a dude who knew what he was talking about when it came to boxing. We ordered the big fight on pay per view and were not disappointed with the split decision in Leonard’s favor. For the next two weeks, my brother’s and I were big shots. It was as if I stepped in the ring to win the fight myself.
#1) Saw Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace 83 times in a movie theater. OK, so I wasn’t actually “a kid” in 1999. But I sure felt like a five year-old again each time I sat down in those comfy cinema seats with Nachos and super-size soda in hand while the opening theme song blared from the speakers. Just how much dough did I spend seeing a movie that many times? A ton. But I did save some greenbacks here and there the two years previous to May 19th, 1999. Not to mention the theater owner got so used to seeing my face, he let me in free several times. I still have the ticket stubs in my Yoda collector drink cup from Taco Bell.
Ah! What great memories! It’s always fun to think back to your youth. If you’re having a hard time doing so, try a top 10 list of your own. Or better yet, sit down with your wife (and children) and have them join you. Then take turns reading off each number from 10-1.
#10) Woke up at 2:00 in the morning to catch Star Wars on the Movie Channel. We had a small, 20 inch black and white TV in our bedroom. Just about every night SW was on, my twin brother and I would set an alarm so we’d be able to catch the nightly viewing. We got caught once, but when mom came in we pretended we fell asleep with the TV on.
#9) Received a letter and a helmet sticker back from my favorite football team. In third grade I wrote to the Atlanta Falcons. They were my favorite because they wore red jerseys and helmets. I made sure to mention that I thought they had the coolest uniforms. I even included a neato play for them to use as a secret weapon to win their games. Three weeks later, I received a form letter back with a signature at the bottom (no clue who’s it was... I only knew it wasn’t Steve Bartkowski’s, William Andrew's, or Alfred Jenkin’s) a schedule for the upcoming season, four helmet stickers, and a thank you for the play. Of course, they have yet to run that play, but each week I sit in my recliner waiting for that moment when I can pat myself on the back and say, “I came up with that play!”
#8) Won $20.00 playing Bingo at the Springbrook family picnic. Springbrook is a gun club my dad belonged to. The dad’s shot clay pigeons while the mom’s played Bingo. I was on a roll that afternoon, calling out Bingo four times. Who wanted to pick up a rifle when you could rob a bunch of old ladies of their money?
#7) Played a rabbit in the second grade class play “The Forest Friends”. I may not have had any lines, but I sure could hop.
#6) California Angels get within 1 strike of going to the World Series. Though I had nothing to do with this personally, when you’re a 14 year old fan who has been through a few disappointing football and baseball seasons, you can’t help but feel your constant cheering had something to do with your team’s good fortunes. Unfortunately for the ‘86 Angels, good fortune ran out the moment I hollered for my mom to come watch what I thought was the final strike of the American League Championship Series (ALCS). Mom came into the living room and said “Now watch this guy hit a homerun.” Next pitch, Dave Henderson of the Red Sox launched a screamer over the left field wall. The two run blast gave the Red Sox the lead and eventually the ALCS. You can bet I blame mom for that. In fact, I outlawed her from watching the 2002 World Series. Coincidentally, the Angels won that one.
#5) Completed my first story Mile High Hill in 6th grade. It was for a Choose Your Own Adventure contest. Needless to say, I didn’t win...but in 6th grade (and life in general) we’re all winners...right?
#4) Made 10 out of 20 free throws in the 5th grade free throw contest. It was a good enough showing to advance to the quarter finals where I made another 10 out of 20, but failed to move on to the semi-finals. To this day I still stand on the gymnasium free throw line and imagine how it would have been if I made two more shots in the semi’s. At least I know how Richie Cunningham felt when he blew the final free throw for Jefferson High in the state championships. Of course, I tossed my basketball at the hoops like a real man. None of that “granny shot” stuff Richie tried.
#3) Cub scout softball team comes back from 12 runs behind in the final inning to win the game. I had two hits, one run batted in, and two runs scored in that inning alone. Before that inning, our coach said if we came back and won, he’d treat us all to a twist cone. Boy did that ice cream at the DQ taste great that afternoon. And who says bribery doesn’t work?
#2) Sugar Ray Leonard beats Marvin Haggler and I make a small fortune in bets. Everyone, including my 10th grade Art teacher was picking Marvin Haggler to win the big boxing match. But me and my brothers knew better. We bet anybody and everybody that Sugar Ray would win. I could either lose $100 bucks I didn’t have or gain a small fortune and a ton of respect as a dude who knew what he was talking about when it came to boxing. We ordered the big fight on pay per view and were not disappointed with the split decision in Leonard’s favor. For the next two weeks, my brother’s and I were big shots. It was as if I stepped in the ring to win the fight myself.
#1) Saw Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace 83 times in a movie theater. OK, so I wasn’t actually “a kid” in 1999. But I sure felt like a five year-old again each time I sat down in those comfy cinema seats with Nachos and super-size soda in hand while the opening theme song blared from the speakers. Just how much dough did I spend seeing a movie that many times? A ton. But I did save some greenbacks here and there the two years previous to May 19th, 1999. Not to mention the theater owner got so used to seeing my face, he let me in free several times. I still have the ticket stubs in my Yoda collector drink cup from Taco Bell.
Ah! What great memories! It’s always fun to think back to your youth. If you’re having a hard time doing so, try a top 10 list of your own. Or better yet, sit down with your wife (and children) and have them join you. Then take turns reading off each number from 10-1.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)