Not Etched in Stone

When I wrote my first story Star Force (original huh!) back in third grade, editing and revising was as alien to me as Mr. Spock was to Dr. McCoy’s medical scanners. I remember that day well. Jack Frost blessed us with enough snow to cancel school. My twin brother and I spent all morning and afternoon writing. Coincidentally, his epic novel was titled Star Blast. You can probably guess this was the early 80’s and that both of us had our trusty bowcaster and lightsaber at our sides.

Sixty-five pages and a cramped, ready-to-be-traded-in-for-a-better-model hand later, my masterpiece was finished. I was so proud. Not only had I written my first book, I finished before my brother.

The next twenty minutes was spent creating a spectacular cover. Mom had just bought a big box of Crayolas, the one that had every color and name of crayon you could think of. My dazzling cover had robots, colorful planets, laser beams, and spaceships that looked a lot like X-Wings and TIE Fighters. The Dark Avenger, clad in black helmet, armor, and robe, occupied the center space. No lightsaber though. I must make that clear. The Dark Avenger had a phaser stick. No way did I want people thinking Star Force was a cheap knock off of Star Wars. Aha! The perfect book. A stunning cover and sixty-five pages of sheer poetry.

Flash forward one hour later...I leaned back on the sofa, reflecting upon what I just read. How did my wonderful masterpiece suddenly turn out to be so...unoriginal? There was blaster fights, exploding spaceships and planets. Even a climactic duel between Denge Arkili (the hero) and The Dark Avenger. The final page contained a hero’s ceremony. What was there not to like about that? Brilliant right? No! Though I tried to convince myself stores would soon carry a line of Denge Arkili and Dark Avenger action figures, I realized my first book was a complete failure. I tore up the pages and chucked them in the garbage.

It wasn’t until a couple years later in sixth grade while writing a Choose Your Own Adventure titled, Mile High Hill that I realized my writing was not etched in stone. I had the freedom to change words, characters, or scenes. If I didn’t like something, I could improve it. Two or three drafts later and Mile High Hill still stunk, but at least I didn’t throw it away. I have a typed copy to read for laughs or to draw inspiration from. The valuable lesson learned from my first two attempts at writing was to never throw out—or delete—anything, no matter how bad it seems. There is always time to improve it or to revisit a scene or character for a different project. The next time you read over your own manuscript, remember any idea is worth working on, even if it takes months or years to realize that idea’s vision. I’m even considering bringing back The Dark Avenger for a scene in The Toupeed Eagle, phaser stick and all.

Typical Morning for the Typical Writer

You know the scene: unkempt, out of shape hairy dude sits down in front of keyboard, stretches arms, scratches armpits, cracks neck, twists back. Gets up, grabs bag of chips, devours bag of chips, cracks knuckles, pecks away at keyboard. Two words later—gets up, opens refrigerator, stares blankly at selection, reaches for bottle of water, slides bottle of water aside in favor of healthier caffeine loaded and sugar coated soft drink, plops crack-showing butt back down. Deletes two previous words, yawns, guzzles soda, throws can at wastebasket—misses—leans over, belches, chubby fingers barely grasp empty can, leans out more, farts, chair slides out. A skinned bottom and a bruised ego later, crushes can with fury of a two hundred-twenty pound gorilla squashing a banana. Chucks crushed can at wall, cools down, returns to computer screen, yawns...again, rubs aching knees, stares at TV. Drags weary feet over to comfy sofa, picks up remote—no batteries! Storms into kitchen, tears apart every drawer until two AA batteries turn up in the exact spot wife had said they’d be. Stomps back over and jams batteries into remote—won’t fit—needs AAA batteries.

Slams fist, searches kitchen for twenty minutes, no batteries. Drives to convenient store, purchases AAA batteries, drives home. Shoves batteries in remote, hits power button, DVD player activates. Brings remote to eye level, confirms batteries in wrong remote, searches everywhere—under sofa, in between cushions, on counter tops and shelves for TV remote. Finally realizes TV has an actual power button. Hems, haws, and turns TV on. Sappy romance appears. Panic sets in, satellite remote lost. Pulse races, fast, shallow breathing starts, sweat pours down face, shirt drenched—Aha! Satellite receiver has a channel button—pulse and breathing slows. Presses channel button, turns on sports channel, plops onto comfy sofa. No picture! TV screen flashes message “channel not available, please contact satellite provider. Chucks remote at 46” HD TV—misses—luckily, lays head on pillow, falls asleep. Phone rings. Gets up, answers “hello.” Nobody there. Hangs up, lies on couch. Phone rings. Gets up, answers “hello” and hears a click. Hangs up, lies back down. Phone rings. Gets up and answers “HELLO!”

“Why are you answering the phone instead of writing?” Mom asks.

Now you know how my morning went. Can’t wait for the afternoon.

From Inspiration to Perspiration

Writers work hard on their craft day and night. Characters, plots, settings, and ideas can funnel around our brains at any given moment. When the writer’s mind wanders, inspiration strikes. Be it at work (yes...most writers have a day job), while driving, or while snoozing. The well-educated writer knows how to take advantage of the situation by either committing these ideas to memory or by jotting them down on a notepad, on a piece of paper, or even on an arm...preferably your own.

Don’t make the mistake of scribbling notes about the plot twisting, on-the-seat-of-your-pants sci-fi action adventurer that suddenly came to you like a revelation from a higher power in the middle of the night onto your significant other’s arm. If you do decide to ignore my advice, at least avoid using a permanent marker. Trust me! When morning arrives your spouse WILL lambast you then toss you and every article of clothing you own out the second story window. Notice how the clothes went after you. This is done to avert any chance of a soft landing. Not only will bodily harm befall the writer who makes such an error—now your brilliant, can’t miss sci-fi action adventurer will be on display for the whole world to see. As luck would then have it, Miss Wormhart, the receptionist at your spouse’s place of employment will weave your notes into a NY Times bestseller well before you have chapter 3 done. Not only are you sleeping in a bush behind the garage—you’ve just wasted the last two weeks working on a manuscript that will have you accused of plagiarism.

My advice... carry a small notepad and pen in the pocket of your plaid button down shirt—oh wait! That went out of style in the early 1950’s the moment the word “Nerd” was introduced into our vocabulary. Better yet, fold a piece of paper into the back pocket of your tight leather pants—I mean the front pocket of your cool, nice-looking Khaki pants or blue jeans. That way when inspiration strikes, whip out your paper, unfold it, grab a pen and start scrawling. Just be sure you can read your own writing. That method works for me. I never know when my internal Muse is going to wake up and I’ll bet you never do either. So why not be prepared? You may come up with a bold, fresh character just by watching Dad check the fire alarms in his tighty whities and black socks or a mystical setting from staring out the window while your boss berates you for missing yesterday’s meeting.

The best thing any writer can do for himself/herself is to be prepared. Who cares if the mail you’re supposed to be sorting piles up on your co-worker. You’ve just jotted down the key elements to your next love-triangled spy thriller. And when you finally have it completed several years from now, those dirty looks and bold shout outs directed at you from your spurned co-worker will seem silly and trivial. Don’t let anything prevent you from writing. I never do. Just be sure to actually pull the car over or swerve onto an exit ramp and park before you start writing while behind the wheel. Or just wait for a voice-activated inscriber app for the iPhone to come out. Better yet, wait for the mind-reading inscriber app. Writing will be a breeze then.